look look who's here,

me writing a new post in my long deserted blog..
i have a thousand words swarming in my mind but i am lost for words to write it here,
funny how people might look happy from the outside, but sad and uncontented in the inside,
funny how turtle and tortoise is hard in the outside but soft in the inside,
funny how dog that don bark often, bites more,
well, thats life..

i am supposed to be racing with time to complete my reading on Immunology notes in which i have a final exam next tuesday..
when i am trying my effin best to concentrate and memorise the tumour immunity and effector mechanism, other stuff kept intercepting my mind, it must be my amydala..
in case u wonder wats amygdala, well thats a part of ur brain which instills u to think of negative stuff..

i cant stop thinking bout it! and i have no one to share with..maybe i have, but nowadays i find it hard to trust anyone...i thought of telling my babi gang, but i dunno how to start and i dunno who to tell first..AND IF i start telling this to people, i know this will haunt me forever.
i thought of telling my close uni frens ..but i realised that i never wanna let them know my problems..perhaps maybe i want dignity, or maybe i feel that there is no need for sharing my worriness or perhaps my problems..its not important after all.

maybe i am used to keeping it in my heart,
thiking that if i say it out,
i am exposed, or maybe i will be vulnerable
just like a body depriving of an immune system..

but sooner or later, if i keep on thinking of this non stop, i might die..
seriously,
committing suicide? perhaps not worth it la..plus its pain and a stupide act..but wat if i did?? Everything has a threshold anyway, if its over the threshold, ANYTHING could happen right..

worst comes to worst, i probably might just have a mental breakdown and live happily in Tanjung Rambutan..

>>aint it better?maybe? though surrounded by those pitiful mental peoples(those who might even turn up violent O.O) but maybe that will be the place where i can be free..FREE of these problems and suffering thoughts i have been having right now..maybe thats the third space i have been wanting..

EITHER way, anything that can free me of those thoughts, i am willing to do~
its nobody's fault..its my fault. to have such thoughts bothering me ALL..Most..of the time..some people reading this might prob thought "aiya this girl think too much again" but those who think lidat never understand that these thoughts are actually killing me and forbidding me from having the peaceful and happy life i wanted.
i mean who never wants a happy life?

BYE.

A GIRL who cares about the past

♥amour♥

OF all the number of times i said I MISS YOU,

i actually mean
I
LOVE
YOU
♥
=)

oMG

its only a matter of time before i..

>get thrown with eggs(fresh or rotten)
>slip in the middle of the road
>get bombarded in every direction
>annoying "i Knew It" being echoed 24/7
>zzzzzzzzzz
>entomology
>facing the four walled room
>countdowning my freedom
>zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz in few minutes


MAYBE U wouldnt know wat i am writing now..
actually i don have any idea wat i am writing now as well..lol

i don feel like writing bout wat is happening in every seconds of me life
maybe because i am lazy of stringing the words together or perhaps i am just lost for words..or maybe it wasnt that interesting after all..lol

hmmmm..peace ba everybody >.^v~BYE!

the original me

decided to maintain d original me..
as long as i am happy and comfortable with who i am, the original me is enough
=]
sooo..
>>to those who cant stand the craziness i emit, sorry la.i apologize.i cant do anything bout it..at most just stay away from me lo..peace^^


>>to those who enjoy crazying around with me(u know who u are, my pandi sistersss n brothersss..XDDD)..we should treasure these moments as good things are hard to come yea..^^..last but not least, DO EXPECT MORE FROM ME^^ NGEK NGEK..ni men bu neng tao pi de(especially josephine ng wei liing..kaka>D)..(haha pai se la, i dunno how to write chinese so i just write the *han yu pin ying* but some also inaccurate de..u all understand n get the meaning can d la..hehehe^^)

gosh..i am really challenging my panda eyes..

why am i not asleep yet..i dunno..i am physically tired but my mind is still running actively, like waters in d waterfall?? (ehem metafora??XD)
haha
i am somehow expecting something even though i dunno wat is that i am waiting for..
i somehow expect something big will happen n change my life again..
yes..again..since few years back something changed my life~
however this time ..it is not due to d same factor, no one will be dying or anything(touchwood)XDD

hmm.wat else to say..thousand stuff or maybe zillion stuff seem to be running in my mind, but i somehow cant string them into sentences to be written here..
as its already 2:44 am now, permit me to write the contents of my mind in point form(lazy to type also actually haha)

>mosquito
>relationship(friends family etc)
>choice
>decision(i suspect i am developing deciodophobia??=.=)
>far far away
>status
>happiness
>kids
>nephew
>study
>randomness
>health
>indulgence
>facebook (IT)
>reminisce
>redface
>currently listening to *jiu yao xing fu le* this song reminds me of IT
>peeling my lips(luckily hiany butler is not here to nag me~)
>dignity
>impression
>am i doing or thinking d right thing?

u probably will not understand this,
or maybe wondering whther i am in the correct state of mind..
but this is wat i am thinking now..at times, i myself cant figure out wat i am thinking..i just hope i can have a simple piece of mind..perhaps i shall meditate?XD

gotta stop here..dunno wat to say d/..
better go sleep..
or else gonna face d librarians late with shocking panda eyes@.@

sweet dreams to those sleeping^^
peaceV^^V--->baichilisation?XD

all's well will end well=]

I wanna add something to my previous post which might seems optimistic but it will be true as long as we KEEP faith in ourselves=]

no matter wat L.O.V.E situation we are in, we will certainly had our worries..
BUT ..as long as we found our TRUE LOVE, n think " yeah he(or she) is definitely d ONE"..then, who cares,in FACT who GIVES A DAMN, on whether he is still single throughout his life, or he had been dumped, or he dumped his gf...

>>>because what matters t most is ..
t "wall" between u n him,
is broken by..
TRUE LOVE
=]

this is one of t lessons in life i think we esp youngsters should ponder upon,

well..
i am just sharing wat's in my mind..
as
SHARING IS CARING.XD

hence..
have faith
keep FAITH
n
most important of all,
take ur time, to find ur one n only true love
as..

>.^~d night is still young~
CHEERS FOR LOVE!=D

tiring LOVE

LETS say, at t age of 21-25, u were single..
t guy(or gal*) same age as u, n u think he fulfills ur "dream guy criteria"(or dream girl* for guys), u might wanna start a relationship with him, but there is only one thing bothering u: he HAD NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE, so u will think, if he is such a good guy, why still single n never had a gf b4 till now??at this age summore?? is it possible tat there is something ABNORMAL bout him? u will start to worry then~ THIS IS LOVE STRESS#1

LOVE STRESS#2 lets say again, at t same age , n u were single..
u met a guy(*) n u are about to date him, but there is one thing that worries you: he HAD BEEN DUMPED BY HIS GF(s)in most of his relationships..u will start to think..is it because he is not a good guy, or such a pain in t ass, or is it because he is a two-timer, tats y his gf left him? u might think he is unwanted cause he had been dumped before n u might just be "recycling" him..(no offence ya for those who feels offended)this is just an example..u will start to worry then~

OR lets say again, UNDER D SAME CONDITION, u met a guy, n this guy just dumped his gf..but his gf was reluctant to break ..
u both were goin out together after some time, u might feel valued because he is t one who don wan his old relationship, but his gf don wanna let go but still he is determined to break up, and after some time, he met you n liked you..(meaning he sort of choose u over his ex now) , but then u will start to worry (AGAIN) ..WORRY WHETHER he is a casanova, play boy, will he do t same thing to you..n worst of all, his gf might have come out with all possible scary unpredictable tactics just to get him back..<

> so in t end ,,u will start to worry ~ THIS IS LOVE STRESS#3

in conclusion, no matter wat situation it is, u will always have to WORRY bout LOVE..
love is TIRING
but tats t sacrifice we have to do if we want to attain happiness from love, rite?..

~peace in love, peace in life!~