tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40416471939466602922024-02-08T05:52:17.749-08:00My Blooming PlaygroundI Will BeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-81746191558360127502012-12-09T02:13:00.001-08:002012-12-09T02:17:26.286-08:00Why give up on a bush of beautiful roses because of a few stinky caterpillars<br />
<br />
<br />
Nothing is gonna tear us apart<br />
This I am gonna make sure of<br />
I promise<br />
Not even you fuckers S M L are going to tear us apart no matter how close you think you are with "us" <br />
<br />
I dream of a day when SML will -fuck off ~:) from ours truly zes life forever and ever and ever and everrr<br />
<br />
Oh well <br />
Buddha says," holding on to anger on someone is like holding on to a piece of hot charcoal, before we throw it to someone we hate, we are the ones who will get burned" <br />
<br />
So I shall not be angry, I shall not hate.. I shall try my very best to wait for the day they are gone forever! <br />
For as caterpillars shall turn into butterflies and fly away one day, but those will be ugly butterflies! Be gone thou putrid fools!<br />
<br />
Peace vAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-71537968453484880222012-12-09T02:05:00.001-08:002012-12-09T02:05:39.405-08:00I miss my McDonald buddy..the one whom I go with at weird hours..hahaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-19690385880310447032012-11-12T09:14:00.001-08:002012-11-12T09:14:10.393-08:00You think you are not good enough <br />
<br />
But I think you are the best! <br />
So stop whining like a bleeding goat***<br />
Like you said ;)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-64070414115530216912012-11-12T09:12:00.001-08:002012-11-12T09:12:27.072-08:00Shall one day publish a book entitled *The Life of a Stalker* <br />
<br />
Sounds promising XD <br />
WEEAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-75912624188764005182012-11-02T10:24:00.001-07:002012-11-02T10:24:51.932-07:00I don't need love<br />
I just need you <br />
By my side<br />
Always <br />
^^ <br />
<br />
January faster come!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-74193621553112834052012-10-31T11:51:00.001-07:002012-10-31T11:51:54.546-07:00Can a guy and a girl really be best friends?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-18201855782018871492012-10-29T10:39:00.001-07:002012-11-02T10:25:44.985-07:00Phases of lifeWhen I just started attending primary school, I used to count all the tiles in my house toilet one by one whenever I go for a looongg poo-poo.<br />
<br />
When I was in the middle of primary school, I counted all the tiles at each side then multiply to get the total number of tiles instead when I was doing some 'big business'. <br />
So called having upgraded my intelligence ha-ha<br />
<br />
Then when I started entering secondary school, going to the loo is just merely releasing your gut discomfort and nothing more. No counting anything whatsoever. <br />
<br />
Same goes to the time when I finished secondary school and promoted to pre-university and university life. All that mattered was getting the business in the washroom settled ASAP cause I don't wanna miss a thing in the outside world.<br />
<br />
Then when I finally graduated from university, all of a sudden the moment i have now when I was pass-motioning is always the reminisce of what I have been doing last time when I was a kid, and I had enjoyed counting the tiles. I wanted to reignite the eagerness to count all the tiles, but things are just not the same as it is before anymore. I am just too tired for that having been working the whole day outside and squeezing my brain juice for the future. Yet, I have no regrets, as I can still savour upon the memories I had as a kid in the toilet poo-pooing. <br />
<br />
It then makes me wonder, when I finally climbed to the highest level of my life, with everything in my life to-do list ticked, achievements stacking one upon another, however health deteriorating with age, till then will I look back in time when I am still able to go to the toilet by myself, as I might be sitting on a wheelchair and perhaps settling my business on diapers in future. <br />
<br />
The answer is Yes I will.. And why am I comparing my life to moments in toilets? <br />
I am not.<br />
Yet I donot deny that the urge to go to the loo is always an exciting feeling and the moment business is done in the loo is always one of the most satisfactory moment(if only you have things to release). Come on! Don't make that yucky expression! I bet deep down down you feel the same way I do.. Hiak<br />
<br />
<br />
I just wanna say that what I wrote clearly pictured the different phases of life everyone of us go through. We cannot re-ignite any of these phases for the second time. We don't have to do so.<br />
<br />
We just have to embrace every single changes that God has arranged for us in life, live every phases of our life with no regrets. And every memories placed in our minds from every phases will make us reminisce and smile. Be it good or bad. Bear in mind that any misfortunes we had in life or when life doesn't go the way we wanted, these are not regrets, it is actually a golden experience in which we will be grateful we have been through and overcome them when we think back of them in the future. <br />
<br />
<br />
I am still trying to learn to live my life to the fullest. I hope everyone will too ;) <br />
<br />
This is just my random thoughts. Thanks for reading andddd Good night!;)<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-29323413790113470652012-10-28T01:47:00.001-07:002012-10-28T01:47:47.503-07:00Some people's attitude are just so diverse or what I can say:weird. Sometimes I just don't understand some ppl's attitude and yet I cannot tell them off face to face. I do not understand why they could have said things to hurt people, said things without going through their brain(if still functioning) and without considering other people's feelings. Now, I have even encountered ppl who mentioned things I hate just because they enjoyed seeing me get pissed off! Why?? And that fellow so happens to be someone close to me. <br />
<br />
Is it very enjoyable to see someone you care of gets pissed off? Even if it's meant to be a joke, but as young adults, we should already have developed the ability to differentiate between a bad and a good joke. As in what can be said and what NOT.<br />
<br />
On that day, I am amazed that my usually low EQ increased a little, I did not show the expression that is expected even though deep down I felt annoyed, disturbed, pissed off(oh yes I am, very), and disappointed on why this someone that I respected, love and care of could have said something like that just to hurt me , and to watch me pissed off??! Again, WHY? I don't understand. <br />
<br />
I did not give the expression someone expected though I feel the very big urge to press the NEXT tab on the screen. I didn't, and I acted normal and calm. The calmness however does not mean that I am ok with everything that is being said during that particular moment, I just tolerated with everything that happened because that someone is someone I care of, whereas that someone I hate whom is being mentioned is someone the one who mention, care of.. Hence I don't wanna hurt anyone.( I don't mind hurting ppl I hate though, call me bad I don't care) But I mind hurting people I CARE. I don't understand why some people don't mind hurting ppl they care. <br />
<br />
Alright, even if you didnt consider my feelings, or not aware of it, then let's switch to that someone you mentioned whom I hate but whom you care very much. Then do u enjoy pushing that fellow to someone whom you already know despise very much ? For what? Just because you wanna see how that fellow makes someone pissed off, makes that someone hates that fellow even more, only will you be satisfied? Do you enjoy letting that fellow u care of being hated even more? <br />
<br />
This is not the first time. I did not say or express anything on that time, I will also not confront you regarding this matter because I don't wanna keep saying and expressing that I hate someone who is very close to you because that will only make you unhappy. That is why I tolerated and remained calm on that time, rather not showing my hatred and uneasiness when you purposely mention that fellow to me , because I don't wanna make you unhappy. And yet you manipulated and take advantage of my patience by never failing to mention that whenever we meet. And from time to time, I just choose to ignore what u are trying to do:which is to make me pissed off?! Plus I already don't wanna keep reminding myself that I hated that fellow in front of you because that will just make everyone unhappy, no?? Can't u just gimme a break and let the fact that I hate that fellow resides silently in everyone's mind who know this will do? Why does these annoying things have to be said out by me or you everytime we meet? This is what I have been trying to avoid and that is why I kept quiet or ignored this everytime you choose to mention it .<br />
<br />
<br />
I really hope it won't happen again. Because I will never do the same thing to you. And I didnt confront you on this matter because I care for you and respected you and wish that you can realize this for yourself. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-23717975125852190662011-12-14T04:57:00.000-08:002011-12-14T05:44:41.762-08:00THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY~<i>Its so near to perfect, but end up in such a despair..</i><div><i><br /></i></div><div>This statement describe the incident that happens in my lab today..though its a no big deal case, but i am in such a despair and gloominess now..=((<br /><br /></div><div>This is what happens;</div><div>on a blue Monday,</div><div>the time slot i want to book in da lab on tuesday has been booked!<br />then how shall i do my MTT assay?</div><div><i>FYI: each MTT assay took three days to complete..day 1: seeding the cells, then incubate for 18 hours..day 2: treatment with desired compounds, then incubate for 24 hours..day 3: MTT salt addition<br /></i><br /><i>i AM SO CONFIDENT that this time it will be the most good looking result.based on the experience on the doing the previous MTTs, .i tried my very best to arrange the exactly 18 hours of incubation time for my beloved seeded cells, i am so confident that i am gonna get the timing damn accurate(perfect!) this time, EXACTLY 18 hours!, then on Monday, my desired time has been booked, nevermind. </i></div><div><i>On that time in the lab, i carried on my seeding,(my mind running on a treadmill, and my thoughts were planning non stop) and luck seems to be by my side at that time, i seeded later than the time i expected, so i manage to exchange time slots on the next day with 2 lab mates, and i've got my desired time!! to be able to treat after incubating exactly 18 hours!! Day 2, all's well ends well! I am very proud of myself for being able to arrange and negotiate well to get my desired time slot!! I am very thankfull to the 2 lab mates as well<3<br /><br />then Day 3, which is today, everything goes very well too, the micropipettes seems to behave very well, and i sort of gain the golden key to using those pipetes in the most efficient way..I am very happy indeed, as i have mastered the skill (hehe) to avoid any medium remaining on the pipettes..ngek..>)....then my cells and the treatment compOund behave as well, the colours of the solution in each well is nice, and i have so much confident that its gonna come out BEAUTIFULLY...<br /><br /><br />then, after performing the last step which is to suspend the formazans with DMSO, its time to read the plate..everything is according to plan, and i feel as if i m walking on rainbow, plus this is my last MTT assay i need to do at the time being, i cant wait to say goodbye to it, plus its gonna end WELL!!!..<br /><br />then just when i was about to read the plate using the microtiter plate reader(imma walking towards the reader thinking"this is gonna be a good one, hell yeah"), my inner voice asked to shake the plate using the shaker to mix well the solutions, and in order for more perfectness, i decided to use the shaker before i read it..(just for the purpose of perfectness)..<br /><br />and then...my nightmare, happensT.T the shaker aint shaking , and just when i turned the mode to make it shake, it starts to shake vigorously!T.T and in the end, my babies!! all my babies in the well flew and spill everywhere like nobody's business...T.T (gosh, i am in the verge of tears now)..IN-THE-END, everything is ruined, it cant be read anymore as everything is mixed up and spilled..omg, my heart hurts like as if someone has cut a piece of myocardium away..<br /><br />Hence, i threw everything away to the biohazard bag, kissing them goodbye, and wipe the spills away from the effin shaker with mixed feelings of defeat and failure;..i suddenly feel blank and numb, standing in a corner and thinking how great my day is gonna end up, if i didnt use the shaker, and i could have just read the plate, get the beautifully predicted result, and hence end my MTT pipeting and suspending torment, and also fills up the last perfect puzzle to my MTT data analysis..but everything comes to a halt in just less than five seconds or so i think..=(((<br /><br />i stood there flabbergasted and kept thinking of the IFs, until Dr C saw me and said to me, "U feeling depressed because of what happened just now? " then , me replying"A bit"..actually its just not a bit , i just feel like banging myself to the wall or all drink up all the DMEM solutions that time, but i cant because i still love my head, and i couldnt afford to waste the precious DMEM solutions..<br /><br />Hence, even though i am still brooding over my stillbirth results, well, i guess i have to repeat it again next week..i try to think it in every possible positive ways..such as, maybe God want it to happen so that i am able to produce a BETTER result next week, perhaps the best and better than what could be today's ! and since my cell viability on that time was 86% and Miss E says that its better if its at least 90%, this is another reason why God wants me to repeat the assay next week!! =)) and please, God bless me please, next week , please bless me so that the compounds RV and LPS are still enough for me to use, as for RV, i am gonna do 2n using Dr C's cell and 1n using my cells, while for LPS(hope that its enuf), i am gonna do 1n each using Dr C and my cells..YEAH!! maybe all this happens,because fate wants me to repeat with more n-sss so that i will produce better groups of result, and fuck yeah! i am so gonna take this opportunity, and being able plus having a reason to repeat MTT assay again to improve my Datasss!!<br /><br /><br />I will not give up and this time, i will make it better!! BETTER EACH TIME~<br /><br />peace!</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>and oh well, i have thought of a name for my stilbirth result for today, though to u it might not be a big deal, but to me, after putting so much effort arranging the time, negotiating to get my desired time(u have no idea how many litres of brain juice i have squeezed to plan to get my desired time slot) and taming the micropipettes to behave well, and this is all in order to gain PERFECTNESS..i am so close to it, u know? SOOOO CLOSEEEEE.. everything, all the steps been fulfiiled perfectly, only to fail and collapse at reading the plate! READING-THE PLATE-CAN U IMAGINE IT? JUST PUTTING IT IN THE READER, AND USE COMPUTER TO READ IT, IT DOESNT REQUIRE ANY SPECIAL TECHNIQUES, not like pipetting, or preparing the calculated volumes of solution u using and yet it collapsed at the easiest final part, (llife is so HA-HA and i feel so F-ed up that time HA.HA.=.=~~~..its just as if u r so close to getting up on the train, but the train left just when u are just a few steps away..sighh~~<br /><br />but nevermind, even if u missed the train, there is always a next train, perhaps a BETTER and more COMFORTABLE one,..as EVERYTHING TRULY HAPPENS FOR A REASON, FOR GOOD=)..<br /><br />good, i shalt never give up, and i shall get 90% and above viability next time, continue taming the micropipettes as i have already mastered the skills (ngekk), and continue to strive for the best as usual..!<br /><br />Peace>.^..<br /><br />oh i name it, The One That Got Away~~~</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>lol</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>~</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-68339917696293653682011-12-12T20:21:00.000-08:002011-12-12T20:26:20.824-08:00freeD<i>We fight, we break up,<br />We kiss, we made up.<br /></i><br />Well, i really hope its as easy as that..<br /><br />BUT I am happy to say that everything is finally OVER..<div><br /></div><div>and my heart has finally gained freedom :)<br /><br />Thank u God !^^<br /><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-6893319503220260262011-12-12T20:09:00.000-08:002011-12-12T20:18:26.374-08:00Some people, just by the thought of them, is such a pain in the ass , not only the ass, but pain through the anus to rectum, to colon, and shoots up via the stomach, esophagus till the heart.<br /><br />Yes, i have a few whom even by writing this, i can feel my boiling level shooting up.<br /><br />Well, to whom it may concern, u r lucky to piss me off, because i will not confront u nor will i piss u back, i will just suck it up, sit back, and enjoy ur karma punish u up. Everything that goes around comes around. I have always believe in karma, do you? =)<br /><br />and to the other pain in the ass in concern, whatever u have done..have u any conscience?? or dont u ever feel guilty against ur rationality? What i envy you is not what u have gotten from what u have done, but i envy UR THICK FACE for being thick enough to perform such act, and for every plus point of pride u think u feel from what u get, i give u another plus point for a look-down-upon-u..sigh, wake up la bitch. Nothing is free in this world. nobody is jealous of u, bear in mind(if u have any) that there is a thin line between jealousy and shame-upon-u in ur case..<br /><br /><br />All-in-all<br /><br />Peace ~ lalalla~Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-36706466375088105402011-12-10T12:08:00.001-08:002011-12-10T12:08:52.318-08:00DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW YOU AMYGDALA<div><br /></div><div>if u dont know whats amygdala, then just fuckin google it.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-2949380469421359662011-12-10T11:33:00.001-08:002011-12-10T12:03:59.660-08:00PEK PEK PEKGosh, what am i doing at this time.gosh, trying to ignore my inner voice that keeps on telling me that i have a looooot to read and my thesis to be polished now=((((( *inner voice ignored=) =/. i admit i just finished stalking ppl now HAHAHA....<br /><br />nowadays, i always feel angry easily.i always form angry thoughts on ppl, succumbed in my own angry thoughts for few minutes(i din actually count the time) then forget all those thoughts and live ON..*life goes on*..only to repeat, repeat and repeat the cycle every effin day..<div><br /></div><div>.and nowadays i suspect i have shown symptoms of diabetes mellitus=( : <div><br /></div><div>complications of diabetes mellitus: </div><div>-kelaparan, yes i always felt hungry..i love to eat larrrrrrr babi!!!<br />-mudah marah, yes on certain ppl, i don undy them sometimes >=/ fucktards!!!<br />-sakit kepala, this few days=(<br />-keletihan, i love to sleep larrrr...<br />-kekeliruan, Dr C says i easily got confused, but what he doesnt know is that i actually feel intimidated by his superior intelligence=)<br /><br />gosh, did i develop diabetes at such a young age??? did 22 considered still young? MUAHA MUAHA<br /><br />but....stillll.....all the symptoms i had now seems to hit the jackpot!! =(( and mr whitie paper(they are my best companies throughout these four years) says that faktoe risiko termasuk sejarah keluarga..SEJARAH KELUARRRRRGA.<br /><br />=(((<br /><br />well, by the way, i am angry again now. and this is the first time, i will not occupy my thoughts in my mind,(poor mind, u must have been tired=()..i will blurt it all out, some la, not all..here!<br /><br /><i>is it so hard to reply ones message? I am rili UPSET with THOSE THAT COULDNT REPLY PPL'S MESSAGE esp when i really need u to~~, I DIN DEMAND U TO WRITE AN ESSAY BACK TO ME! I JUST NEED AN ANSWER , EVEN A YES OR NO, even a Y OR N WILL DO! is it that hard?well i hope its because u don have credit or u were away from phone( but i thought u cant live without ur phone.) </i><br />or u cant be that blurrrr to think that the message doesnt need to be replied.<br /><br />u can do it with d special someone every ten minutes, but cant u even reply back to me even once in a day..i just need one simple reply!! is it that hard, this-is-not-the-first-time-=(<br /><br />s-i-g-h, but no matter what, u are still one important person to me, i will just swallow the indignance and move on, like i always did~ yes, i always did without u realising it!=P<br /><br />gosh, will i be able to wake up later for an-indian-food-gathering-birthday-celebration with da biomadss, i wish i din have to *pek-pek-pek and ffk ..LOL..i might as well suck it up and go to sleep now, but before that,<br /><br />dear peeps, if u still have sufficient phone credits, and u did receive someone's message WHICH REQUIRE A REPLY, please lah reply them, as they are really waiting for ur reply even days after their message were sent..i do not specifically appoint this to anyone, this indignant paragraph of complain i just typed out is not specifically meant for anyone, but to EVERYONE..=.= siapa yang termakan cili terasa pedas, please do not get offended, but feel proud as i wrote this because i CARE FOR UR REPLY BECAUSE U R IMPORTANT TO ME.<br /><br />*<i>Replylah untuk kesejahteraan semua</i>*<br /><br />Peace>.^<br />p/s: i still love u, as always, FOREVER!<br /><br />its 4.00 am d, and the pathetic me is still online.DEW.sememangnya mengundang kepandaan<br /><br /><br /><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-8550028193217554322011-12-07T02:50:00.000-08:002011-12-07T02:58:10.425-08:00A.A.Awell i just feel like shouting out loud now, i am however disappointed with myself..i feel that no matter wat i did, its just not enough..there is always a-hole-inside, or so i think...since i cant shout out loud all of a sudden as my housemates will freak out, nor can i shout out loud outside, as ppl will toss me to mental ward..<br /><br />i might as well just shout here..<br /><br />AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAf-c-k-m-y-l-i-f-e-~<br /><br />my blog is the emo type, i love writing emo posts as this is the only place i feel i can express my negativity because there is no obvious comment or the like tab like what the blue-fbook-thingy does..so if u dislike my post being emo all-the -time, or judging me for being an emo freak,<br />u might as well just fuck off then, as i didnt ask u to read this or follow me blog in the first place anyway ~~ <div><br /></div><div>Peace >.^v</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-64883343256959766452011-12-07T02:20:00.000-08:002011-12-07T02:45:23.784-08:00=.=Gosh...is it me being too stupid, or is it him having high expectations of me..=(<br /><br />well of course i have high expectation for myself too..together with his, it doubles and hence..congrats for staying and double up, dear Stress..but i will eat u down..!<br /><br />dear western blot, immunoblot or whatever blot u are!! please let me learn u well!<br /><br />dear serological pipettes, multichannel micropipettes, and micropipettes tips, please suck and release wisely<br /><br />argh...............................gosh i never felt so stupid before..my brain cells are dying..!! <div><br /></div><div>Poor brain, from now on, i am just gonna stuff u with more journals and knowledge, please be strong yahh!<br /><br />I am just nervous at every first time doings, i am not easily confused=(( but i couldnt be telling him that i am nervous which leads me to being confused..he will think i have such low EQ freak..and all these are just stupid excuses, but hell, its true. lol..<br /><br />funny how something that can make u most relax, content, and happy can also make u stress and emo-ed at the same time..however, nothing is gonna stop me from conquering u!! bear that in mind mr/mrs T-h-e-s-i-s..<br /><br />Rawr.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-48808491279488350452011-11-30T08:22:00.000-08:002011-11-30T08:54:33.805-08:00Br'(00)'D*Feeling indifferent..<br /><br />No motives in life..<br /><br />Nothing that interests her in life..<br /><br />Why is she feeling like there is suddenly nothing in life that she wanna pursue, no hopes, passion for nothing, her just feeling indifferent,,<br /><br />Sometimes she just feels very tired, physically, mentally, emotionally..no one can understand that, and no one to share them with, even if shared, ignorant feedbacks like a-u-just-think-too-much or stay-positive will be given..(whats the point, no one will understand)<div><br /></div><div>HAd a crazy bizarre thought, wants to be hospitalised..lying on the bed, with smell of antiseptics in the hospital environment, just being there without being acknowledged by doctors and nurse, no injection, no treatment, just wanna lie down there like a shell without a soul..Sometimes just wish she can faint or have a syncope all of a sudden, perhaps never wanting to wake up anymore, but how will it feels like after not being able to wake up anymore?~~</div><div><br /></div><div>When will the world ends.*</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>~~~Perhaps one day..ONE DAY.. the NEW me shalt look back at this post, and laugh..laughing at how stupid i can be at 'that' moment i am writing this post..I shall laugh at how insensitive i am for not being able to discover the wonders of life i can discover earlier, and the need to brood over the contents of this post shalt not be needed anymore..one day but not today 1/12/2011 =)<br /><br />I know i will~Someday~~~(i)(i)<br /><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-17458344445409073882011-11-27T06:35:00.000-08:002011-11-27T06:57:42.859-08:00ImperfecT FelicitY<div><br /></div>HAVE you ever been caught up in a situation that is as similar as:<br /><br />#1<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>You are at the top of a cliff, and there u met a huge bear..be it u face the bear and got eaten by it, or u jump down the cliff only to face and be eaten by a sea of sharks. Whatever decision u made, u will face death either way..So what will you choose?<br /><br />#2 Ur body had an organ failure..leaving it in ur body will only deteriorate ur health, but removing it from ur body, ur body cant live any longer as well..and even if ur organ is replaced with an artificial one, ...it will never ever be the same, will it?..Will you choose to keep it or remove it? when either way hurts you the same way...<br /><br />#3 I once saw an acquantaince's status saying that a bird and a fish were in love, but how do they be able to live together? Or perhaps a tiger who is in love with a deer? well, Dont u dare say i think too much, cause these things do happen!<br /><br />All in all, either way, whatever way! u chose, u end up hurting urself in the end..Have YOU been in this kind of situation?~~~<br /><br /><br /><i>Life is like seeking reality in ones dream, </i><div><i>hoping the reality in the dream will never fade away...</i></div><div><i>trying to realize a dream in ones realm of reality,</i></div><div><i>only to find oneself back in a dream</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>~I have died everyday<blockquote></blockquote></i></div><div><i>Waiting for you~<blockquote></blockquote></i></div><div><i>~Darling, don't be afraid,<blockquote></blockquote></i></div><div><i>I have loved you for a thousand years,<blockquote></blockquote></i></div><div><i>I will love you for a thousand more~</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>~<>~</i></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-37491308580170616402011-11-23T07:20:00.000-08:002011-11-23T07:27:40.514-08:00She said..God gave me a chance, and i didn't use it well.<br /><br />How sad can it be~<br />How hurt more can it be~<br /><br /><br />~~No matter how hard u've tried, there's nothing but holes inside~~<br /><br />Shall i just stand under the rain, and let the raindrops wash away my dread,<br />or shall i just stand against the wind, to let all my regrets be blown away,<br /><br /><div>Shall i just sink deep down the sea, to let the waves flush away my misery,</div><div>or shall i just stand under the hot sun, to let the blazing rays melt away my worries~</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-69192163641366891582011-11-18T11:41:00.000-08:002011-11-18T11:48:36.998-08:00TITLESometimes ,the things that u want most in your life at the moment...<br /><br />YOU..JUST ..CANT...GET..IT...!<br />fuck!<br /><br />however...as frustrated as i might be..and after 22 years(kononnya act wise) of living through big and small waves, it suddenly struck me like a lightning that,<br /><blockquote></blockquote>mm, why not think of the POSITIVE saiiddeee~~(i am not trying to be those that normally pretend-to-be-optimistic-but-deep-down-in-their-heart-they-r-fuckin-not-they-r-still-full-of-grudges type of being) but its TRUE!<br /><br />TRY to think this way, and i find it awesomely working<br /><br />maybe GOD doesnt want u to have what u want to have now, because God has reserved something BETTER for you, as long as u r patient enough to strive for it=)<br /><br />so this PATIENCE IS GOLDEN phrase is not lame n boring for nothing huh? LOLMAO<br /><br />Good Night peeps=) if there's any , muaha muaha!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-6613381815048335072011-11-18T11:19:00.002-08:002011-11-18T11:31:38.152-08:00pERFECTO nigtmarO<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote>IT always seems as if it just happened yesterday,<br />It always seems real when it was just a dream,<br />It always seems eternal when it knows it will end,<div><br /></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>The heart wants to say hello to goodbye, yet the mind doesnt want to say farewell to goodbye,</i></div><div><i>Or is it the mind that wants to say farewell to goodbye, but the heart doesnt want to say hello to goodbye.<blockquote></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote><br /></i><br /><div><br /></div><div>Keep telling myself that its not worth it, <blockquote></blockquote></div><div><blockquote></blockquote>i already know i dont deserve it,<blockquote></blockquote></div><div>But if its from you, i dont mind hurting,<blockquote></blockquote> </div></div><div>This is a perfect nightmare,<blockquote></blockquote></div><div>So when will i wake up and scream, <i>NO WAY</i>~<blockquote></blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><!--3</div--><div><blockquote></blockquote><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-11253752257574924032011-11-18T10:50:00.000-08:002011-11-18T10:57:35.495-08:00She says..<div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 221); margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; "></div><blockquote><div style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 221); margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; "><blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; "></blockquote><blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; "></blockquote><blockquote style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; "></blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b>Summer after high school when we first met<br />We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead<br />And on my 18th Birthday<br />We got matching tattoos<br /><br />Used to steal your parents' liquor<br />And climb to the roof<br />Talk about our future<br />Like we had a clue<br />Never planned that one day<br />I'd be losing you<br /><br />In another life<br />I would be your girl<br />We keep all our promises<br />Be us against the world<br /><br />In another life<br />I would make you stay<br />So I don't have to say<br />You were the one that got away<br />The one that got away<br /><br />I was June and you were my Johnny Cash<br />Never one without the other we made a pact<br />Sometimes when I miss you<br />I put those records on<br /><br />Someone said you had your tattoo removed<br />Saw you downtown singing the Blues<br />It's time to face the music<br />I'm no longer your muse<br /><br />But in another life<br />I would be your girl<br />We keep all our promises<br />Be us against the world<br /><br />In another life<br />I would make you stay<br />So I don't have to say<br />You were the one that got away<br />The one that got away<br />The o-o-o-o-o-one [x3]<br />The one that got away<br /><br /><br />All this money can't buy me a time machine (Nooooo)<br />Can't replace you with a million rings (Nooooo)<br />I shoulda told you what you meant to me (Woooooow)<br />'Cause now I pay the price<br /><br />In another life<br />I would be your girl<br />We keep all our promises<br />Be us against the world<br /><br />In another life<br />I would make you stay<br />So I don't have to say<br />You were the one that got away<br />The one that got away<br /><br />In another life<br />I would make you stay<br />So I don't have to say<br />You were the one that got away<br />The one that got away</b></i></span></div><div style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 221); margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b><3</b></i></span></div></blockquote><div style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center; background-color: rgb(204, 204, 221); margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; "></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-12033672542806446892011-11-18T08:16:00.000-08:002011-11-18T08:20:53.343-08:00Lost for wordsi usually have a lot in mind..<br />have a lot to say..<div>have a lot to share..</div><div><br /></div><div>but when i started typing, i started to feel lost for words..<br /><br /><i>do you feel the same as me? =)</i></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-83904765388353391362011-05-18T00:26:00.000-07:002011-05-18T01:16:39.239-07:00New chapter of lifeNO matter how strong u are, i will be twice as stronger than you<br /><br />when my mind is overflowing with thoughts just now, its just so funny that my mind is blank now..<br /><br />my biggest enemy is not u, not anyone..but myself..<br />i wanna apologize for that has caused suffering for those who love me and loveD me before..<br /><br />Sometimes i am heartbroken in a way that i have never experienced before, sometimes i am relieve in a way that i wonder should i feel that way..<br />but i am sure that this is the best solution as i too do not want to waste your time any longer and thanks to u that even though i have lost a great chunk of my heart, but i have indeed gained freedom..(same to u)<br /><br />Sad to say, it is as though a great big black stone that had been subsided in my heart throughout this one year had finally been lifted from my heart..<br /><br />Can feelings of one year be gone in just one week? or perhaps five days? well..i truly do not think so..however time will heal everything..God will enable time to reinstore the feelings thats meant to be felt by our heart and also vanish feelings that shud not be felt by our heart anymore..so just let time do its work..<br /><br />To say that everything has returned back to its original blank piece of white paper, its impossible for me.it takes time.i might be happy that all the dread we have been through is over..i am sure u are twice more free mentally and emotionaly and i am happy for u for that .. but sometimes, i will feel sad and cry like nobody's business (haha forget my ego, i admit i did) but maybe thats not because i still want everything to be back as normal or i regretted the decision and all the dreadful stuff we have been through, no its not like that..ITS because i am once in a while still haunted by our happy memories throughout that one year..we have been through many things ..happy nor sad..THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving me all these happy memories all this while..we both agreed that what we have been through is as though we have been through it for MORE than just a year..haha<br /><br />i just wanna let u know that i never regretted the time i have spent with u, u have done ur best and done it very well indeed..and i also wanted to apologize deeply for the pain i have caused u..i am so sorry..however evrything is over now =)<br /><br />I bet u have heard of the saying "sometimes certain stuff are better left unknown" ..hence sometimes i wonder , if i have not been told by U bout that thing..maybe things might have run more smoothly for us eh? haha but however, i truly truly appreciate ur honesty and i know its because u loved (used to, Lol) me only did u not hide anything from me..THANK you so much for that, but i am very sorry..truly sorry that things end up not the way we wanted it..in the end i still ended up not being able to accept it..i am so sorry ..=(<br /><br />During the time we were together, perhaps ur friends might have thought of us for being "unmixable' but to me, i think that they just don know yet the pain we have been through that time and i just wanna say sorry for that misunderstanding..after this thing is over i truly pray that ur friends will be there for u back and thank god, u r back for them and they are back for u..<br />>>However when i see the comments of ur frens saying u r back and U saying u r back, it bothers me a bit..it makes me wonder whether have i ever stopped u from mixing with ur friends when we were together or have i ever LOCKED u up in a "cell" all this while that forbids u to connect with the outside world eh? LOL..well..NO!! but maybe i think too much again..haha<br /><br />there is nothing much left to say or mingle about,..in the end i just wanna make a conclusion to our previous chapter of life by saying a big THANK YOU for what u have done for me, and a big SORRY for the pain we have been through..=) <br /><br />and say CHEERS to our new chapter of life =)) take care ~~~<br /><br />~The End~<br />~ but an ending is always the beginning of someting new ~ =)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-61000055801726687462010-11-05T01:04:00.000-07:002010-11-05T01:41:35.933-07:00when i was studying IMMUNOLOGY..<br /><br />my body suddenly calls for toilet business..<br />so i went to the toilet,<br />but before that i on the radio and tune into Fly FM..<br />then something that makes me very happy just like how music used to make me very happy and excited in the olden times happen=]<br /><br />the song "Kuch Kuch Hota Hai" was playing on d radio!! XDD<br />i love this movie and of course their theme song❤<br /><br />then i start searching youtube for this song but,"This video contains content from Sony Music Entertainment, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds." kept appearing..=.=<br /><br />nevermind..as i searched other music videos for this movie, the touched feeling i used to have few years ago when watching this movie starts to re-ignite..its a very nice beautiful bollywood movie. I love watching Bollywood movies during schoolin time esp those (act not ESP but ONLY haha!) with handsome actors and pretty actress..XDD<br /><br />the story for this movie goes like this:<br /><br />A guy has a close fren who is a girl(A) who happens to like him very much, most prob will give away her life for him..but sadly this guy likes another girl(B) and in the end they got married..A was very heartbroken but moved on anyway(p/s: guys isn't everything!!>D blek!!)<br />too bad, B passed away due to sickness but they had a daughter lo..,.<br /><br />then their daughter happen to go for a school camp where A happens to be the teacher for the camp, then i forgot how the guy happen to be in the camp also, then somehow the guy fall in love with A then touchingly they be together and this family lives happily ever after..this movie is based on a story of true love..very sweet indeed the storyline..aikss!! to get wat i mean, just find that movie and watch it aite!!XD<br />guarenteed u will be touched!<br /><br />alright here's another thought..i used to think that this movie is very touching and sweet and romantic..BUT NOW ..come to think of it,** this guy ..hurt A damn hard when he marry another girl, i understand that he doesnt know her feeling for him and he just treat her as a good friend in the first place..but still the girl is hurt..but nevermind ..ignore this~..SOOO,THEN the guy's wife passed away , IF THE GUY love his wife a lot, shouldn't he been deciding that he would not re-marry or LIKE OTHER GIRL and be ALONE in the memory of his beloved dead wife forever? i start to wonder now, how can he fall for his old fren just in a blink of an eye? why couldn't he had fallen in love with her last time when hey were close frens only to realise that he had feelings for her recently??<br />was it because he was just too lonely after his wife passed away ??FAT CHANCE i hope//<br /><br /><br /><br />actually i have this thought when i saw a comment from someone on one of the movie's videoclip on youtube which sounds like this:"god rahul's such an arrogant idiot.isn't he?he breaks her heart so badly,chooses someone else over her,marriesher,has a baby with her n when she's dead he comes back to anjali without even realising n apologising for all the hurt he gave her and even in this scene he's so smug n conceited about himself.sheesh." FYI: the guy is Rahul and A is Anjali..and their daughter is named Anjali too because her mother happen to want to name her with the name of Rahul's best friend who is A..blaaa bla<br /><br />however its just a movie, there is no need to think too much..haha..just go with the flow with the movie and feel wat the movie wan us to feel which is true and touching love..(though its love with 2 different ppl, though cynical but thats that right?/)<br />haha ok enough of the sarcastic and narcisstic thoughts..<br />ALL in ALL its still a very good movie and a good storyline, interesting story bout love, friendship and family..worth watching..and i prefer to preserve the " TOUCHING, ROMANTIC AND SWEET" perception i had for this movie few years back and i shall ignore the negative thoughts** i have bout this movie just now..<br /><br /><br />we shall think postive la dei..its very easy to call people to stop thinking too much, or everyime a friend consult u, 110 %% u will definitely tell ur fren" hey don think too much la" BUT do u realise that its very EASY TO FORM A THOUGHT, but it is very very HARD to VANISH THE THOUGHTS?? unless u experience some memory loss!<br />its really very hard to stop thinking much esp for hard thinkers like me..i will try my best, but u just don expect me to stop thinking bout everything i have thought before in a blink of time..because ITS difficult..but i will try my best though its hard, i ..WILL..TRYYY..MYY BESTTTTT!!! gambate ME is ME and nothing can beat ME ..not even you!!<br />alright, i am getting on the crazy side..sooo<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />BYE.*back to immuno XDAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041647193946660292.post-1591125799971493752010-11-05T00:34:00.000-07:002010-11-05T01:01:49.092-07:00look look who's here,<br /><br />me writing a new post in my long deserted blog..<br />i have a thousand words swarming in my mind but i am lost for words to write it here,<br />funny how people might look happy from the outside, but sad and uncontented in the inside, <br />funny how turtle and tortoise is hard in the outside but soft in the inside,<br />funny how dog that don bark often, bites more,<br />well, thats life..<br /><br />i am supposed to be racing with time to complete my reading on Immunology notes in which i have a final exam next tuesday..<br />when i am trying my effin best to concentrate and memorise the tumour immunity and effector mechanism, other stuff kept intercepting my mind, it must be my amydala..<br />in case u wonder wats amygdala, well thats a part of ur brain which instills u to think of negative stuff..<br /><br />i cant stop thinking bout it! and i have no one to share with..maybe i have, but nowadays i find it hard to trust anyone...i thought of telling my babi gang, but i dunno how to start and i dunno who to tell first..AND IF i start telling this to people, i know this will haunt me forever.<br />i thought of telling my close uni frens ..but i realised that i never wanna let them know my problems..perhaps maybe i want dignity, or maybe i feel that there is no need for sharing my worriness or perhaps my problems..its not important after all.<br /><br />maybe i am used to keeping it in my heart,<br />thiking that if i say it out, <br />i am exposed, or maybe i will be vulnerable<br />just like a body depriving of an immune system..<br /><br />but sooner or later, if i keep on thinking of this non stop, i might die..<br />seriously,<br />committing suicide? perhaps not worth it la..plus its pain and a stupide act..but wat if i did?? Everything has a threshold anyway, if its over the threshold, ANYTHING could happen right..<br /><br />worst comes to worst, i probably might just have a mental breakdown and live happily in Tanjung Rambutan..<br /><br />>>aint it better?maybe? though surrounded by those pitiful mental peoples(those who might even turn up violent O.O) but maybe that will be the place where i can be free..FREE of these problems and suffering thoughts i have been having right now..maybe thats the third space i have been wanting..<br /><br />EITHER way, anything that can free me of those thoughts, i am willing to do~ <br />its nobody's fault..its my fault. to have such thoughts bothering me ALL..Most..of the time..some people reading this might prob thought "aiya this girl think too much again" but those who think lidat never understand that these thoughts are actually killing me and forbidding me from having the peaceful and happy life i wanted.<br />i mean who never wants a happy life?<br /><br />BYE.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05256573934804752894noreply@blogger.com0